Saturday, June 20, 2015
Who Gives a Hoot?
When my camera is idle, the blog lies fallow. Photography it seems is the cornerstone to my creativity in both words and images.
In recent weeks I have given a great deal of thought as to why I have been content to allow my camera to sit idly on the shelf gathering dust. I am not certain I have yet begun to scratch the surface as to the why, but as my thoughts gave way to words on paper (an exercise in journaling), a couple of truths emerged from the muddy depths of what remains of my brain. (Is that a run-on sentence?)
1. I take the same photographs over and over and over again. Somewhere along the way I have lost the ability to take something old and make it new again. I have all of the tools. What is lacking is the drive to use them effectively. Creatively. Then again, perhaps the ability is not lost. Perhaps it was never really there.
2. Expectations. Both real and perceived. From myself. From others. The more I felt something was expected of me, the more I retreated, intentionally leaving the camera at home on vacation or gatherings of family and friends. If I don't have the camera great pictures can not be expected.
No camera. No photographs.
We all know what happens when a skill is abandoned. It begins to rust and eventually decays into a shell of it's former self. A fragile shell that can easily crumble if handled improperly. I am in the danger zone.
3. Insecurity. The Kid tells me my personality type is "Amiable." I want to please everyone. The seeds of creativity can never blossom and grow with that kind of burden weighing down on its fragile shoulders. Here I sit 1/3rd of the way through my sixth decade and I still don't have the self-confidence to not give a damn whether or not what I do with the camera pleases anyone but myself. I am too old for this nonsense.
I am also well aware that 90% of all of the above comes from within and but I don't know how to let it out.
I know, I know, who gives a hoot?
Just take the picture and get on with it.