Saturday, June 20, 2015

Who Gives a Hoot?

wOwl

When my camera is idle, the blog lies fallow.  Photography it seems is the cornerstone to my creativity in both words and images.

In recent weeks I have given a great deal of thought as to why I have been content to allow my camera to sit idly on the shelf gathering dust.   I am not certain I have yet begun to scratch the surface as to the why, but as my thoughts gave way to words on paper (an exercise in journaling),  a couple of  truths  emerged from the muddy depths of what remains of my brain.  (Is that a run-on sentence?)

1.  I take the same photographs over and over and over again.  Somewhere along the way I have lost the ability to take something old and make it new again.  I have all of the tools.  What is lacking is the drive to use them effectively.  Creatively.  Then again, perhaps the ability is not lost.  Perhaps it was never really there.

2.  Expectations.  Both real and perceived.  From myself.  From others.  The more I felt something was expected of me, the more I retreated, intentionally leaving the camera at home on vacation or gatherings of family and friends.  If I don't have the camera great pictures can not be expected.

No camera.  No photographs.

We all know what happens when a skill is abandoned.  It begins to rust and eventually decays into a shell of it's former self.  A fragile shell that can easily crumble if handled improperly.  I am in the danger zone.

3.  Insecurity.  The Kid tells me my personality type is "Amiable."  I want to please  everyone. The seeds of creativity can never blossom and grow with that kind of burden weighing down on its fragile shoulders.  Here I sit 1/3rd of the way through my sixth decade and I still don't have the self-confidence to not give a damn whether or not what I do with the camera pleases anyone but myself.  I am too old for this nonsense.

I am also well aware that 90% of all of the above comes from within and but I don't know how to let it out.

I know, I know, who gives a hoot?

Just take the picture and get on with it.

















2 comments:

James Evans said...

Great to have you back being creative and sharing thoughts, experiences, and Life In Color pics. You questioned the origin of your creativity or if it is really there? Perhaps the best assessment/response of that question comes from those who read and observe your productions. Well the answer from this observer is YES. Creativity sometimes waxes and wanes and retreats for periods of time, as if to restore its' energy and search the memory banks for experiences from which new creative work emerges. Sounds like that's your story! Embrace it, be kind to yourself rather than self-critical, and continue your creative journey - be it made public or kept private(at least temporary).

Audrey said...

I recently subscribed to an online newsletter that you might find interesting and thought provoking. The website is JamesClear.com. One of the things he says that has resonated with me is that "it isn't my job to judge how good or how bad I am. My job is to do the work and let the world decide." A recent newsletter that you mind find interesting was entitled "What I Do When I Feel Like Giving Up." I miss your blog when you're not writing more than you know. Posts of yours that I have shared with others have received comments back to me about what a wonderful writer you are. I should share those more with you! I have lots of book ideas for you.... Don't judge - just do it!

I'm so glad you're back.