There I stood amid the racks of elastic waist pants and pastel knit tops that match ever so perfectly, when my aha moment struck, like a bolt of lightening out of the blue. Actually it was more of a OMG moment than an aha moment as I looked around and wondered, perhaps out loud, how the heck did I end up here? Here with six hundred senior citizens among the racks of elastic waist pants and pastel knit tops on discount day at the local Beals department store?
It all began two weeks ago when The Kid determined it was time for his biennial shopping spree. His shirts were all faded and most of his shorts were suffering from chlorine toxicity (a.k.a. careless application of liquid chlorine to the pool). He had heard a rumor that Beals had great sales and thought it a good place to start. Indeed.
If you aren't familiar with Beals it is the shopping mecca for seniors in south Florida. On any given day 85% of the store is discounted thirty to forty percent. I am convinced that the reason behind the deep discount is that the regular retail price is marked up by thirty to forty percent. These people have done their homework. They know their target market. What living breathing blue haired senior would not be willing to drive an extra mile or two in the air conditioned comfort of their Mercury Grand Marquis for a good sale?
But I digress.
On that fateful day I scored a pair of khaki Columbia capris that actually fit without forcing every extra centimeter of fat that has accumulated around my middle up and over the top of the waist band. If you are over 50 and aren't a Victoria's Secret model, you know what I'm talking about. Don't deny it, you know you do girlfriend.
After standing in the check-out line for what seemed like a millennium, we finally reached the cashier. Our total was high, even with the discounts and the additional 20% off coupon passed on to us by the nice gentleman who waited with us in line for seemed like a millennium. (That's what happens when you only shop every other year.) But surprise of all surprises we had been awarded $50 in Beals bucks as a reward for our out of control spending. Fifty dollars to be used on a future purchase of any item in the store. There was one catch. The coupon was only valid on one of two days which fell in the middle of the following week.
Since $50 dollars worth of free merchandise is nothing to sneeze at; and just maybe I could snag another pair of those slimming Columbia capris; I found myself driving the distance to Beals the following Wednesday to redeem my coupon. And that is when it happened. My OMG moment. There I was for the second time in two weeks standing in the middle of those racks of elastic waist pants and the pastel tops that match with every other blue haired snow bird in south Florida because I couldn't pass up a sale.
Oh how the mighty have fallen.
Lately I've had a hankering for prunes, but please, if you see me driving a Mercury Grand Marquis, just shoot me.