Dew Abatement

Project 15 - Day 88

Summer in south Florida waits not for the arrival of June 21st. She shows up when she is good and ready, stoking up the heat and humidity to levels not fit for human survival. To quote my friend -k-, when you step outside these days it takes less than a minute to become a bit "dewy." Dewy is one of those fine southern euphemisms that politely means "sweating like a pig." (I've often wondered if that age old saying is true. Do pigs sweat?)

There is much about summer in south Florida to love. The water is warm. The beaches are empty. There is no traffic and there is no waiting for tables in restaurants, even on Friday nights. They spray for mosquitoes so one doesn't have to lose any sleep worrying about Yellow Fever or Malaria. It's just that darn helicopter that wakes you up at dawn swooping in to release its toxic spray on unsuspecting mosquitoes and early risers enjoying a cup of coffee on their lanai. (I can't make this stuff up. I'm not that creative.)

It's the humidity that's the deal breaker. Yesterday afternoon I walked to the mailbox to retrieve my mail and by the time I got back to the house the water was dripping off my nose. (It's not that long a walk people. Driveways here are shorter than Lindsay Lohan's skirts.) The "dew" had gathered on my neck and formed little rivulets that were running down my back. I needed a shower and dry clothes before I could open the electric bill to see how much it was costing me to keep cool.

There really is only one good way to beat it. The shore birds wade around making a show of foraging for food. But I know the real reason they've got their feet in the Gulf. It's to keep keep the dew at bay.

Me, I just jump in the pool and wait for the pool boy to show up with my drink. It beats foraging.